Bird Week (NES): I was guilted into posting this.

So some of you may remember the first review to start Rage Quitter 2012 was Bastion (even though google has it listed as dec 31st). But as you'd also remember, I didn't write the review. Big Sister wrote that one. Well She sent me a review to put up for the site. After reading this, I thought she was kidding. She wasn't. I can't believe I am considering posting this. But since I probably won't have anything new to put up till after xmas I figure why the hell not? So kick back back and enjoy Big Sister's work in the first ever Rage Quitter Retro Review.

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The last few years, we’ve been bombarded with a particular casual game themed around birds. I won’t name it here, because I know you all know what I’m talking about. In the wake of 21st century graphics and hyper realistic in-game physics, it’s easy for us to become so engrossed in the now that many of us forget the past, and an even greater many have no awareness of it at all. It is for that reason that I’m giving you a dose of gaming history. For us to appreciate what we have now, we must appreciate what paved it’s way. Birds taking center stage in top-of-the-line gaming has come before, my friends, in a little game called Bird Week.

BIRD WEEK:(NES)

This 1986 Nintendo title is the true forerunner and matriarch of all bird based gaming. And don’t be fooled by the title. The game Bird Week features not one mere week, but a full year of riveting bird action. It is a desperate tale of danger, devotion, and the harsh reality that comprises the life of backyard birds. Our story centers around a delicate mother bluebird struggling to feed and protect her babies amid the threat of violent predators. Her deep, emotional struggle as she must leave alone her weak and vulnerable young ones to search out food, even at great risk to her own self. 

The game begins in the sweet spring, when life is simple. Butterflies are plenty, and the only real threat is a...uh..penguin? Flying around aimlessly. He’s not as menacing as you might think. He really just flaps back and forth, minding his own business, but, if you run into him, you die. Don’t worry, if the 5 star play control isn’t enough to help you dodge the flapping fiend, you are not without the bird’s natural defense: mushrooms.

You can easily pick up a mushroom from the ground, fly over the predator, and drop it on his head, effectively taking him out of the picture until you’ve had a chance to feed your babies all the sweet, succulent butterflies they crave. When the babies have had enough they fly away, and the level is over. Congratulations, mama bird. You’ve made it through your fist Bird Week.

Maybe it's supposed to be a hawk? I have no clue.

The year crawls on. Sort of. The next level is Fall, even though it should be Summer, then even more Fall, with extra trees, then Winter, and then Summer. But who has time to nitpick over the awkward passage of time when you’ve got babies to feed. Each level bring new menaces and every one of them is hell bent on stopping you from doing what you were born to do. Feed those motherfucking birdlets.

Level two “Fall”, bring a jumping ground squirrel. Think it’s not much of a threat? Guess again. If the game is to scale, that squirrel can jump 9 feet straight up into the air. Just enough to, say, KILL A MOTHER BIRD WHO TRYING TO NAB BUTTERFLIES. The hawk is still present as well, but the squirrel makes a deliberate attempt to harm you, just like any squirrel would. You have your trusty mushroom, if you can manage to get it without the ground dwelling villain knocking you out of the sky in the attempt.

Upcoming seasons bring other antagonists too. Flying squirrels, woodpeckers, something that looks like a panda coming out of a hole in the ground, bats, bees, owls. How can one survive? IT’S UP TO YOU. There is even a bonus level, for the highly adept who can make it that far, allowing you a seaside vacation where you can spend a carefree week nibbling dragonflies. Hope you got a sitter. Those babies aren’t going to feed themselves.

Don't Worry. Butterflies are plentiful year round.

The real drive when you play bird week is the sense of desperation and urgency that you feel. You have to survive. You HAVE to get that food. Because if you die, those babies die. That’s it. Game over. You’re cold in the ground and your precious little ones will be ripped apart by the violent predators that lurk ever near. What decent human being could let that happen? I challenge you to find another game that bring such a sense of intense emotional responsibility to the player. You won’t find it. It exists only in Bird Week.



Beastie Bay (Android): Falling back off the Wagon.

What the hell is wrong with all of you? On several occasions on this site I have given a cry for help. I have an addiction.  Sometimes I stave it off for a while but eventually fall back into a bad habit and it consumes my life for weeks, sometimes months. It takes a lot of effort to get the willpower to stop but after a while I find a new version of it and BAM, I'm right back off the wagon (a phrase I have never really understood).

My drug of choice comes from delightfully 8-bit smack addictions that come from the fine people at Kairosoft, in yet another one of their goofy simulation titles. Now as I had mentioned in my first omniderp video their last one I played, Kairobotica, I noted that they started to get the knack of making the games more engaging by making the battle like a turn based JRPG instead of simulation. Now I am actually participating instead of watching. So naturally I was like a moth to a flame when they recently they started advertising a free game called....

BEASTIE BAY(Android)

So how do I explain a Kairosoft simulation without it coming off exactly like all the other ones I have previously done? Well, I suppose I can't in a way. The games always have a functional similarity between all of them and the major thing that changes between them is usually just the setting. In Beastie Bay, you're little Kairo-doofus finds himself stranded on an island with his faithful Dog/Cat/Duck. With not much else to do, naturally you decide to make it the best resort ever. You do this by building houses for you and your pet, and then scavenging for food and lumber.

As you play and progress, areas become unlockable for you to explore. In typical Kairosoft fashion this is done by sending your character to investigate which is done so automatically, but occasionally you will be attacked by the wildlife. In this situation your faithful companion will take to the forefront and fight to defend you. Each of the beasties break down into various elemental types such as normal, fire, water, lightning, ground, wind, and I believe ice. As you battle there are various types of bait that you can use to befriend them and have them join your team.....

Wait a pocket monstering second, did this come off as a bit like Pokemon to anyone else? Well, yes. The game's RPG mechanics borrow heavily from the core basics of the Pokemon franchise but I will say that the there are plenty of differences too. First off all, the beasties are fairly original in design. You may be able to trace similarities to monsters in other games but there weren't very many if any I could immediately trace to a Pokemon game.

And unlike in Pokemon, your beasties serve more of a purpose than a listing in a pokedex and a taken up slot in your computers box or whatever it was. When you build a house for your beastie on the island, they will continue to harvest wood and food which you need for building and exploration while not in your party. Depending on their surroundings, they will build various style of homes or attractions for the visitors to your island to spend money on. Money you can use on supplies, building, weapons and items for your travel.

The combat in Beastie Bay as I just mentioned is fairly similar to Pokemon in it is traditionally turn based with beasties only getting a handful of special attacks but its got a major difference to it as well. In this you have a party of 3 that can be out at one time, as can the enemies. If you set up of team of similar typed beasties, they will get a stat boost. Also, when you flee combat it takes you all the way out of the map you are exploring. The plus to doing this is if you come right back, you maintain your treasures you found along the way and may pick up at the spot you left off. So if you make it 70% in and find a particularly rough enemy you have to option to flee, rearrange your team, come back and get right back to the fight.

I found the simulation aspect of this game much more difficult than previous ones because its harder to figure out how to make different varieties of buildings. I know you want to build things with higher civilization and nature bonuses and get power to them, but I've never really found a way to include all these things and then have them laid out in a manner that visitors can reach them. I only ever make the same few buildings because I'm not sure what I need to change to get better housing or attractions.

When you complete the game (IE: get through 16 years of game time), you have the option to purchase a carry over data that allows you to start your new game with the majority of your unequipped items and exploration item levels in tact, as well as one of the beasties in your current party as one of your new starters. Its handy because you breeze through the beginning, but it makes capture hard because you kill them too easily. Actually, that may not be true since I haven't tried to catch one with full health. But it does give you a visual indicator when they are near death, which seems to lead into the theory that it affects capture.

I really can't really go into much more detail about the game without rehashing things I've already said about other Kairosoft titles. But this does have me thinking about them. Many of these, if not all but this one cost about 5 bucks on the respective marketplace for full versions. As far as apps go, that's not cheap. Yet here I am blissfully throwing them another 5 dollars every time I notice they sling a new one at me. And I think I might have figured out why.

You know when you think about an old game you used to play on your Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Atari, or  Commodore 64 (god I'm so old) and you get these warm fuzzy feelings about your favorite titles? Some of us dust off the old console and fall right back into blissful happiness getting back into it. I myself can always pick up River City Ransom and shred that bitch in 16 minutes. Now think about some of the newer games you have. How many of your dopey new FPS's do you go back to after the new one comes out? How many of you play a newer RPG again after you've beaten it? New games are fun, impressive looking, but have like zero lastability and most of them get traded.

I think Kairosoft realized that many of us have a passion for retro style gaming. They commit to focus on simple 8-bit sprites and sounds trigger a nostalgic charm that easily hooks anyone in their 20-40's. Their simple character design style is interesting, charming, yet familiar. And even though the majority of the games they produce are simulations with very little game interaction, they all have a highly addictive quality about that makes them engrossing, engaging, and very difficult to put down.

Now they are taking their titles and while not abandoning the style that created quite the fan base, now they are incorporating simple aspects from games of that past era to make their games feel new and familiar at the same time much like the original Final Fantasy or Dragon Warrior. Its actually rather genius. But if stupid games like Farmville, Diner Dash, or even the more popular Sim City has shown us anything its that you can pretty much take any premise and make a game out of it.

With no shortage of western and Japanese culture to draw from or parodies like this one to produce, Kairosoft is obviously not dry on the idea well. And I can say without doubt that if their next title is something ridiculous like Waste Management Story, Antique Store Story, or Gay Bathhouse Story those rat bastards will find a way to make me love it for 5 bucks a download. (Please don't make that first or last one Kairosoft, I was kidding and don't want to have to explain why I have Gay Bathhouse Story on my phone).

That being said, I will say it was pretty cool to throw out their most in-depth game yet for free. Kudos, Kairosoft. So since it doesn't cost you a dime, I definitely say its worth a download. The only fault I can really think of is if this is your first Kairosoft game, it may set the bar too high for the past releases to compare.

Hasn't stopped me though....
Good lord it hasn't....
Somebody help me...