Lollipop Chainsaw (PS3): Bad for all the right reasons.

I learned something very quickly when I first played Shadows of the Damned and that is if the game touts the name "Suda 51" anywhere on its packaging, then throw out any sense you might have that the game will have a complex compelling story, sympathetic characters, or any modicum of seriousness.

After SotD's "Big Boner" sequence and No More Heros' Travis Touchdown jerking off his lightsaber, I gathered that this game was going to be a non stop stream of dick and tit jokes. But all the trailers made me laugh, so I was interested. My only concern was how the combat might hold up. It was available to try at PAX East but I sadly couldn't get near to try it. So I've taken the plunge and picked it up. Lets see if it stacks up to my expectations.....

LOLLIPOP CHAINSAW: (PS3)

Our game opens up with an intro from our protagonist, Juliette Starling, waking up on the morning of her 18th birthday. She explains that she is a cheerleader at "San Romero" high and that today she is going to introduce her boyfriend Nick to her family. After doing a handful of shameful near nude yoga stretches and introduction of her family, she takes off on her bicycle to to meet up with boyfriend.

Only she finds out upon arrival that her school is now currently over run with zombies. She races in to find Nick, hacking and slashing zombies with her rainbow chainsaw and saving other students along the way. She heads to the main courtyard of San Romero High looking for Nick, where she is surrounded and ambushed by zombies. Nick dives in to make the save, but is bitten in the process. After admitting to Juliette that he "Kinda, sorta.. you know.. Loves her" she decides hack off his head with her chainsaw, and through a little incantation manages to keep his decapitated head alive. Needless to say, Nick is a bit confused by this. Juliette explains that she and her family are zombie hunters, and they take off to find the cause of the outbreak.

All things considered Nick, You probably could be worse off.

Now let me get this out of the way right now, shortly after all of this the villain is unveiled to be some dark lanky gothy kid (with a voice that doesn't match his character) who hates his school and the government.  This will probably be the pettiest gripe I have ever made in this blog so far, but the premise of this game is the popular cheerleader and her jock boyfriend have to slay through hoards of zombies so they can beat up the goth kid? 

Maybe its because it doesn't happen as much over in Japan, but isn't this the kinda thing that would get school shootings started? I was more of a nerd in school so I don't have much in common with jocks or goths, but I definitely wasn't one that fit in with the "cool crowd" either.  So because of this I find it a little annoying that this game plays into the worst of high school stereotypes. I know a couple of goths, and at least one or two of them are alright (sometimes).

I understand its satire and they are over blowing the personalities somewhat and this is a petty gripe but come on, couldn't some other high school stereotype been the villain? Snooty cheerleaders and douchebag bulling jocks are not people to be looked up to. And before people get their panties all knotted up, I fucking know not all jocks or cheerleaders are stuck up (although the odds aren't in their favor). But not all goths are raging psychos who are looking to shoot up their classmates either. Some of them just want school to be over so they can go home like the rest of you, so quit constantly vilifying them.

Seriously, why not just slap a Marilyn Manson shirt on him
 and name the school Columbine. Pfft, idiots...

OK, got off track there. As I said earlier, my biggest point of concern with this game was the combat. From the trailers I had seen and snippets of game play footage I could catch, the combat seemed competent but not fluid. All of the attacks had a very herky jerkey set of motions to them, and that made me worried. My next fear came into when I first started playing and the game generally divided into three attack buttons: Square for fast pom-pom attacks, Triangle to wing the chainsaw, and X to swing low.

It started off pretty slow and boring to me because it reminded me of Darksiders, which as far as I'm concerned has phenomenally boring combat. Giving a sword 6 different attacks but having the combos be: X, XX, XXX, XXXX, or in a pinch XX (Pause) X, is not fucking fun. This is not comboing, this is just button mashing. And yes, the game had secondary weapons but there were no combos that utilized both at once so there was no reason to level anything else if the sword is gonna do all the work for me.

As a cheerleader, Juliette's moves can get unnecessarily acrobatic and finesse
Although, it does make it fun and entertaining as hell to do.

Anyways, back to Lollipop. Despite a bit of dismal start to the combat, you quickly start picking up zombie coins which you can use in shops along the way to learn new moves or upgrade your health. The first few of them start off pretty cheap so its easy to get some new moves into to your repertoire quickly. Plus after you beat stages you can replay them for a better score and bigger rewards.

So after a few levels I found myself pomming a few people into a corner, leapfrogging over them before finishing with a spinning chainsaw sweep to take off their kneecaps. It started to move a bit more fluidly and I was having more fun with it. You are also rewarded if you can keep 3, 4, or 5 at a time with additional zombie coins or silver tokens (more for music and costumes, and there are a LOT of costumes {and thankfully you can unlock them by playing the game, NOT by paying 4.99 on DLC}).

As you kill zombies you collect stars to fill up a meter at the bottom, when its full you can trigger it and the game starts playing "oh Mickey" and your attacks do incredible damage. If you are faced with a lot of zombies, you can also do a slot machine game for various different attacks with Nick's head. Overall I suppose if I had to describe the combat, I would say its maybe a slower paced Devil May Cry if anything.

Once you start learning some tricks the combat really gets entertaining.

The game is presented pretty well for the most part. The graphics have this very interesting cartoony charm about them. Juliette has some lifelike qualities about her face and her reactions yet its all colored in what appears to be a thin layer of cell shading. It gives it a very comic book feeling about it, which is good considering that pretty much every aspect of the game is presented in a very comic book style. Although the game isn't without problems..

The game is broken up into about 6 or 7 stages of various settings, each with different types of zombies depending on the area you are in. These aren't just your run of the mill lumbering moaning zombies, these zombies just spout off ridiculous nonsense through the entire game. It wouldn't be a Suda 51 project with out them. Literally in the beginning of the first actual stage after the prologue level, is a group of football player zombies and the first words out of their mouth, and I'm not making this up are "Ten-Hut! Ten Butt Fuck!" Thanks Suda. Really doing your part to advance the legitimate games are art crowd.

Each of the main villains represent a different style of music with a stereotype of the genre.
Racial stereotyping apparently to Suda 51, is also hilarious.

But the hilarious dialog doesn't end with that, throughout the course of the game you listen to Juliette banter with Nick about their future, the zombie apocalypse, or just random bullshit. There is a handful of references to there films and a fuckton of pop culture references. One of my favorites is still Juliette discussing with Nick how they are going to have babies despite Nick's current handicap. Another great one is when Juliette explains her new catch phrase "What the dick?". There is also a hilarious section where you have to play through various classic games such as Pac-Man, Elevator, and Pong and the gamer exchanges there were funny as well (even if they hit a bit close to home {And I fucking refuse to believe that a hot blond cheerleader is a gamer geek.}).

Sometimes however, The action gets broken up too much for my taste. The game sprinkles in a fair amount of cutscenes and to the games credit there are a number of them that you can skip. But there are points in the game where Juliette will take phone calls from her family, and sometimes the dialog is funny or it can give you a tip but these are not skippable and it can be somewhat annoying because after I've heard them I just want to get back into slashing up zombies.

The other big gripe that I have about breaking up the flow of the game is there are too many load screens. TOO MANY. There are parts of the stage where you cut from one locale to another and you have to wait for like 10-30 torturous seconds. There are times were you want to just skip ahead of a cutscene and it drops you into a loading screen. And considering this is a game where it has time attack stages, having to constantly break into load screens is fucking annoying.

The levels are an oxymoron. As I said, there is only like 6 or 7 total stages in the game which makes it feel like its very short, but on the other hand the levels are almost 30+ minutes to play through and with all the breaks in the action they feel like they take forever. It some how fails to find a happy medium between the two of them. If they cut each of the levels in half the game would have felt much longer overall but not painfully long as I am playing each level.

The game is a little too easy. None of the bosses were difficult for me with the exception of the first one, and even that wasn't all that hard. If you are a fairly avid gamer I would suggest staring the game on hard mode, because aside from the length of the levels, the normal mode is a fuckin breeze.

"OK, just let him think he's eating me for a minute before I have to start faking it"

Last thing I'd like to touch on a bit is the music. The game kinda starts off with some poppy music that matches Juliette's personality, but as you start to get into fighting sequences its layered with a bed of hard rock and heavy metal, which I think is the exact kind of soundtrack you need for slashing zombies to ribbons in a game that's not designed to be scary.

There is a moment near the end of the game where you are charging towards a monster that is flinging cars at you and in the background is a fucking Dragonforce song. It was impossible not to grin as I played that sequence. It was a great selection of songs but even more so than that, there is a handful original compositions too from Jimmy Urine from Mindless Self Indulgence (who fucking suck) and Akira Yamaoka from Silent Hill fame (who's fucking awesome). All in all the game has a great blend of licensed music and original pieces.

Jimmy Urine also is the voice of one of the bosses. If that matters to anyone.

The big thing to take from this game is to accept it for what it is. The game is designed to be simple, mindless, stupid fun. You are not picking up Lollipop Chainsaw because you are expecting a deep exposition with complex character development and emotional twists. This is game to see a scantily clad cheerleader slash the crap out of zombies over a layer of awesome music with dick and boob jokes. The game has been getting near perfect ratings which seem a little high for me, but I was able to play it through and finish it and go back wanting more. Even now I still have the urge to go back and try to unlock the rest of the outfits if anything just  to see how it plays.

Ultimately, you may not want to drop 60 bucks on a title like this, but it knows exactly who its catering to and manages to deliver on the points it needs to. It may not be the greatest zombie game ever put out but it was certainly a fun ride the whole time. If you are tired of dispatching zombies with a shotgun or rifle, or just looking to play something fun without having the crap scared out of you, I'd say Lollipop Chainsaw will show you a good time.

Dragon's Dogma (XB360/PS3): Rewarding Patience since 2012

Sometimes I have to admit when a game has me licked. I fucking tried with this game but man did I fucking suck at it. I was ready to just hop on here and smash this game to bits but really I couldn't give you much with the exception that I sucked at it. So in a vain attempt to maintain some journalistic integrity, today's review comes from the evil mastermind that is Brett Campbell. Take it away, sir. --

DRAGON'S DOGMA: (XB360/PS3)

This console generation has been a landmark for RPG's if only for the fact that it's been dominated by western development. Sales charts clearly show that gamers would rather slay dragons in open fantasy worlds than, say, try to save the world for the umpteenth time as a melodramatic teenager with a bad emo haircut. Capcom must have kept that in mind when developing Dragon's Dogma, because with the exception of a few common Japanese mannerisms, this couldn't feel more like an authentic western RPG. In fact, in certain ways it manages to exceed the qualities of the very games it tries to emulate.

You start your adventure in a small, peaceful fishing village when *dah duh DAHHHH* a dragon attacks. In the ensuing chaos, your hapless hero (completely customized to your own liking) grabs a sword and foolishly decides to take the beast on. Obviously this doesn't go well. The dragon eats your heart, then, in so many words, tells you if you want it back to come and get it.

It's not Shakespeare, thankfully, but then again, what is? From there on you have free roam of the hauntingly gorgeous country known as Gransys. Dead trees lurch over dusty valley floors, crow's cages hold citizens being tortured by harpies, foggy swamps are populated by goblins. Think of the landscape in the George Lucas classic "Willow" and you'll be in the atmospheric ballpark.

After some more story points you'll be rewarded with the opportunity to create your "pawn". Pawns are basically husks of humanity that have no will except to serve you. You can tweak the behavior of your pawn from the skills they learn to the way the address you. Best of all, if you're playing online your servant will be uploaded into The Rift, a ethereal fog where other players can summon your creation to help them in combat. Everything your pawn learns about quests, enemies and the environment from assisting other players will be retained the next time you log in. Say your pawn learns from The Rift that setting a griffon's wings ablaze will bring it to the ground; when you encounter a griffon he or she will inform you of the strategy. It's a brilliant, simple and engaging use of online, and something I'd love to see in future games.

From this point on you'll start to notice a lot of ways this game tries to take the best of Skyrim, Dragon Age, Dark Souls, even Shadow of the Colossus, and mold them into some amazing sort of unicorn of a game. Sometimes it falls short of all those games it obviously draws inspiration from but majorly it manages to equal, and in surprising moments, surpass them.

The game's music is standard fare for the genre, though it is quite good. Hearing the music change once you find an enemy's weakness signals the change in dominance on the battlefield, and really adds a level of excitement to the game. A lot of the time you're simply listening to the wind blow, though. It adds an eerie quality to the occasions when you're enjoying the questionably peaceful beauty of the land.

Combat in Dragon's Dogma is a hack and slash, spell slinging dream. You're equipped with a light and heavy attack along with a button used to defend with a shield. Holding either shoulder button and pressing one of the top three face buttons will enact your character's spells or skills. Skills consist of devastating blows, slashing or skewering your opponents and opening them up for juggles or combos.

Magic is quite often graphically impressive and fun to wield. Summoning a rain of meteorites, walls of fire and even whips of concentrated lightning blaze up the battlefield into a fit of chaos. You can also enchant your and your party's weapons and shields with elemental magic, making the all the more deadly. Best of all, there's a "grab" button, making it easy to lift a weakened bandit over your shoulder and throw him off of a cliff (believe me, that never gets old). As enjoyable as it is to take out a gang of hobgoblins in this manner, the real joy in Dragon's Dogma's combat is the big monsters. Using the previously mentioned "grab" button, you can climb up any of the beasts, go for a ride (or flight), find their weak point and hack away, a la Shadow of the Colossus.

Mounting a chimera with your three pawns (your creation and up to two others uploaded from The Rift) feels so visceral and intense, especially when you kill off parts of the mythological beast. There are more big encounters to go on about, but I think it's best to enjoy the surprise and see the realistic animations at work. They're managed to top my list of boss encounters for this generation of consoles.

So, with all this gushing comes with some gripes. The difficulty in the early stages of the game is overwhelming. Sticking to the main quests until around lv. 10 or 15 is a must, though the game doesn't let you know that. The graphics are hit or miss, with the latter being more prevalent during the opening hours of the game. Perhaps most annoying, aside from the costly use of ferrystones, there is no easy way to fast travel across the land of Gransys. You will be doing a ton of walking, often back and forth across the huge map until very late in the game. Once you get over some of those bumps, you're really in for a treat.

What it comes down to is this: if you like classic fantasy, this game is very much worth giving a serious look at. More so if you loved the games previously mentioned in this article. This game definitely stole my heart, and I don't mind if I don't get it back during my second playthrough. -- Brett Campbell